I wrote this story today after walking 2.5 miles. I passed a woman walking her dogs, traded greetings, and then thought to myself “What if someone fell in love like that?”.
by Jason C. McDonald
Whether or not June 23rd is too late to start a New Year’s Resolution was beyond the point. I was going to speed-walk three miles a day if it killed me. I spent six to eight hours a day clattering out computer code at the office, and an hour lunch break didn’t afford me any more time than it took to walk down to the little café a block away.
So, with the knowledge that my brief daily commute had bad traffic about three times a year, I decided I’d start getting up an hour earlier, skip the Today Show, and start walking before work. As I dragged myself out of bed that first day, I mulled over possible motivations to torture myself like this every single day.
A mile and a half into my brisk walk, I found one walking on the other side of the road, at the corner of Baldwin and West. She was about five foot eight, with long chestnut brown hair and a pink exercise outfit.
I’m supposed to be writing code right now, but I’m trying to find the neon sign over my head that says “Idiots Welcome.” Yeah, did I JUST blog about this? Well, yeah, but let’s just say I found a new species. (And anyway, that’s only part of the focus of this post.)
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, deep in the jungles of the internet resides the feared Programatticus Militarius, a hybrid crossbreed between P. Newbieflamerous and P. Takeitovericus. This creature attacks its victim, generally a beginner or intermediate level programmer, with “best practice” dogmas, rending most helpless and questioning their own qualifications. I’m actually surprised I hadn’t spotted this species before.
Is it just me, or is our population actually getting dumber?
Actually, it was the moderator election over at a programmer’s forum that brought this up. Over the past year, I’ve noticed an increase in the population of Programatticus Takeoveriticus and P. Newbieflamerous. (If that just threw you for a loop, read my post “So That’s Why They Call It Windows”)
I actually got shredded by one P. Newbieflamerous last month for having the audacity to answer a question he deemed stupid. Granted, more than one person believed the question should be closed. Yet, the nice thing about that place is that it is community run. I answered before it was closed, a very acceptable practice.
Unfortunately, this dude figured the world should agree with him. To be honest, the whole thing was kinda funny, what with him saying “I must be new there,” when I have over six months on him in membership, and that I should “read the FAQ” when he himself missed entire paragraphs of it. In both cases, he must have been a hybrid between P. Newbieflamerous and P. Noreadicus. The moderators dealt with him, thankfully, but that type of thing is NOT an isolated incident around there.
To be honest, I’ve dealt with worse…like the forum moderating job in which I was accused of inventing the rules of Greek debate. (True story. That was a keeper!) Still, the sheer mass of stupidity in today’s society is…well…staggering.